


The Only Thing Stopping Me is You

by Crystallized_Shadow



Series: Naruto Rarepair Bingo 2019 [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Butsuma's A+ Parenting, Child Abuse, Coma, Depressed Tobirama, Hospitalization, M/M, Might be triggering for some people, Off Screen Death, Sappy pickup lines, Suicidal Thoughts, read with caution
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-03 04:58:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19456837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crystallized_Shadow/pseuds/Crystallized_Shadow
Summary: At 17 Tobirama knew he wouldn't survive, but then he meets an angel and decides maybe he can stick around a little longer.Rated for the dark nature of the content, so please head the tags!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WARNINGS: Child Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, Near Death Situations!! Don't read if that is triggering for you!
> 
> Starts off dark but has a happy ending

Tobirama glances down over the edge of the building, wondering if this will be the time he finally hurls himself to the pavement below. It wasn’t the first time he’d sat on the roof of his apartment building and thought about ending it all. So far, he hadn’t given into the urge, but today was a particularly bad day and the pavement was looking more appealing. The thing about depression that his stupidly cheerful brother refused to understand was that the urge to hurt himself never fully went away, it always lurked just beneath the surface. Somedays it was easier to ignore than others. Today was one of the days where the little voice was a seductive demon, whispering sweet, oh so tempting, promises of peaceful quiet, of a place where he was enough; all he has to do is give in. Tobirama stares at the pavement for a while longer before he stands with a sigh. Today wouldn’t be his last, perhaps tomorrow.

“Ya have any idea whad time it is?” The growled slur has Tobirama glancing at the living room as he closes the door behind him. Seated ominously in the tv-lit room is his father, several empty bottles around him. Shit.

Instead of responding, Tobirama continues toward his room, knowing nothing he says will please Butsuma. He barely winces when a bottle catches him in the side of his head.

“’m talkin’ ta ya!”

Alcohol assaults Tobirama’s nose an instant before a fist smashes into his face, sending the teen sprawling to the ground. With a practiced ease Tobirama curls into a ball to protect his face and other sensitive areas from damage. He was well used to this routine and had long since learned to ride it out. The kicks and drunken punches don’t sting as much as they used to, but the occasional bottle craving into his skin still makes him whimper.

“Ged outta ma sight!” Butsuma grumbles some time later, flopping into his chair and passing out almost instantly.

It takes Tobirama a few moments to convince his battered body to move, but he finally manages to get his legs under him. The teen crouches there for a moment, broken bottle clenched so tightly in his fist he’s briefly worried he’ll shatter it. It wouldn’t take much, Tobirama thinks darkly, just one cut across his jugular. Tobirama sighs as he blinks, ending his fixation on his father’s neck as he drops the bottle to the floor and staggers into the small bathroom. One of these days he was going to snap, and it was coin flip who he’d kill first, himself or his father.

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” Tobirama mutters when he sees his face in the mirror, already coming up with an excuse to explain the blackeye and split lip. It had been awhile since he slipped in the shower, so that excuse would have to work for school tomorrow. He’d need a better one later in the week when he saw Hashirama, unless he’s able to hide them with make-up. Swallowing some of the aspirin he’d stolen from the local gas station last week, Tobirama stumbles to bed, slipping into a mercifully dreamless sleep the second he hits the threadbare pillow.

“Tobi! Your face!” Hashirama exclaims that Friday as he picks the teen up from school, “are you fighting again?”

“The fucker deserved it,” Tobirama states as he slips into the back seat, very carefully not wincing when the still fresh gashes in his back touch the seat; Butsuma had run out of beer last night so he’d substituted his belt after his hand had gotten tired.

“Tobi,” Hashirama sighs, heading to his house in the nicer section of town. “You really need to get your act together; you won’t be in high school forever.”

“How’s Mito?” Tobirama asks, ignoring his brother’s unneeded advice all together. It hurt a little bit that Hashirama honestly believed he picked fights at school, but it was easier to let his older brother think that instead of telling him the truth about their father. Hashirama was nearly a decade older than him, his father’s pride and joy so he’d never seen the man’s dark side. Hell, Tobirama’s not even sure if Hashirama knew Butsuma had become an alcoholic right after their mother had died in a mugging gone wrong. Of course, he’d been right there with her, had felt the life leave her before the ambulance could get there, so Butsuma blamed him.

“Mito is great!” Hashirama exclaims with an easy grin, cutting off Tobirama’s darker thoughts, “she just told me she’s pregnant!”

“Congratulations Anija!” Tobirama says with his first genuine smile in a long time, “I’m really happy for you! When is she due?”

“Thanks! She’s only a couple weeks along so she’s not due until…”

Tuning out his brother, Tobirama stares out the window and lets his mind drift. He truly was happy for Hashirama and Mito, lord knew they would make wonderful parents. Hashirama had just made surgeon and Mito was a successful CEO of one of her father’s companies; they could afford the best for their child and would no doubt provide it. As much as he loved his older brother, Tobirama just couldn’t process with their happy news right now. He wasn’t sure if he’d even make it through tomorrow, so why bother letting himself get attached to idea of being an uncle?

Butsuma was thrilled at learning he was going to be a grandfather and the drunken rages had come less often. Tobirama could handle the verbal abuse, Butsuma wasn’t nearly as creative as his own mind, and for the first time he felt like maybe he’d make it to graduation. A week before his birthday little Tsunade came screaming into the world and Tobirama falls in love. Mito and Hashirama had let him hold her almost instantly and had asked him to be the godfather; finally, it felt like he had something to live for.

At 17 Tobirama knew he wouldn’t live to see tomorrow, Butsuma had made sure of it. Ever since Tsunade’s birth the beatings had increased tenfold, to the point where he could no longer hide it from his classmates. Skipping school had seemed like a good idea, until Butsuma had been waiting for him. Collapsing against the tub, Tobirama prays the locked door will deter Butsuma from making his end even more painful. Slowly digging out his phone, Tobirama taps a quick message to his brother, barely noticing the blood smearing his screen. Distantly, he hears the ding of a return text, but the phone slips from his hand as the pain finally fades away.

“-nju? Mr…Senju…” A melodic voice finally breaks through the darkness and Tobirama groans softly. He blinks rapidly for a few seconds before his vision clears and his eyes settle on the most beautiful man he’s ever seen.

“I’m fucking dead.” Tobirama grumbles, his voice painfully rough and he briefly wonders how that can work, shouldn’t he no longer hurt if he was dead?

“Ah…what?” The man asks, a hand running through his short, gorgeously tousled black hair.

“You have to be an angel,” Tobirama mumbles, his eyes slipping close again, “so that means I’m dead.”

“Oh.” The chuckle that meets Tobirama’s ears is sweeter and more cheerful than even Tsunade’s happy giggle she did whenever she saw him. “I’m no angel Mr. Senju.”

“Tobirama,” the teen states, his mood souring as he nearly gags on his next words, “Mr. Senju is my father.”

“He’s in jail, he can’t hurt you anymore.”

That finally jump starts Tobirama’s brain and he takes in the rest of his surroundings. White walls, white sheets, blue scrubs on the angel of a man next to him. It almost looked like a hospital, but that would mean…

“You’re not dead Tobirama.” The nurse explains with an amused grin.

“I like the way you say my name,” Tobirama blurts, enjoying the dusting of red across the nurse’s face. “How about we get coffee?” A thought strikes the teen and he frowns. “Am I old enough to ask you that yet my unfairly attractive nurse?”

“Aren’t you the little flatterer?” The nurse chuckles as he checks the file at the end of Tobirama’s bed. “You turned 18 last month, but no, you can’t legally ask me that.”

“Why not? I’m an adult!” Tobirama pouts, making the nurse laugh again.

“You’re my patient.”

“Can I at least ask your name?”

“That you can. My name is Kagami Uchiha.”

“Kagami Uchiha,” Tobirama repeats, loving the feel of it rolling off his tongue.

“Ask me again once you’re discharged.” Kagami says, his blush darkening a little bit. “I’m going to send your brother in now.”

Tobirama watches the nurse scurry off and he can’t help grin. He hoped the hospital discharged him fast, because Kagami Uchiha was definitely worth sticking around for.


	2. Chapter 2

_ Love you _

_ Tobi? _

_ Is everything okay? _

_ Tobi? _

_ This isn’t funny! _

_ Seriously Tobirama, answer me! _

“Mito I need to go!” Hashirama calls down the hallway, already putting his shoes on.

Mito sticks her head out of the kitchen, takes one look at her husband and nods with a grim expression. “Go, Tsuna and I will be fine.”

“Thank you.”

Hashirama doesn’t remember the drive to his father’s apartment, too busy pondering over his brother’s text message. Tobirama wasn’t the type to just randomly tell someone he loved them and he certainly wouldn’t send such a short message without some kind of scathing follow-up insult. His mind flashes back to Tobirama mentioning he’d been feeling depressed. At the time Hashirama had written it off as teenage drama, Tobirama was 16 after all, but now he was wishing he’d paid more attention. Calling Butsuma just proves frustrating, his father must have let his phone die again.

Bursting into the apartment he hadn’t spent much time in over the last 8 years, Hashirama is surprised to see all the empty beer bottles just laying around; since when did Butsuma drink? His eyes fall to his father, passed out in his chair, but he barely spares him a thought as his eyes fall to the alarmingly large trail of blood leading toward the bathroom. Oh god.

“Tobi!?” Hashirama calls as he bangs on the door, just waiting for his brother to tell him off for driving over in the middle of the day like a moron. But it never comes. Terror grips Hashirama’s heart as he slams into the door with every bit of strength his 6’1’’, 163lbs frame has. The cheap lock shatters against his weight and Hashirama stumbles into the room, nearly slipping on the slick floor. As he regains his bearings, Hashirama’s eyes widen in horror.

Blood...everywhere...

...spreading across the floor...

...dripping off the counter...

...staining the tub a sickly pink color...

Hashirama is a doctor, he sees blood everyday, but it’s never been like this.

Never been his little brother.

Never made him want to simultaneously hurl and beat the ever loving shit out of someone.

Hashirama starts cataloging each of his brother’s injuries, even as he dials 911.

_ “911 what’s your emergency?”  _ Severe head trauma.

“I need an ambulance, my brother’s been attacked.” Broken ribs, at least two puncturing the skin.

_ “What’s the address?”  _ Broken arms.

Hashirama rattles off the address as he carefully kneels beside his brother. Broken bottle in his stomach.

_ “The ambulance is on the way, can you tell me if he’s breathing?”  _ Puncture wounds, he must have been stabbed at least 100 times.

“N-no, he’s not,” Hashirama chokes out, counting at least four more chunks of broken bottles in his brother.

_ “I’m going to walk you through CPR, okay?” _ So much blood, his hair looks crimson.

“I know how to do CPR!” Hashirama snaps, needing somewhere to direct his rage, “I’m a fucking doctor, I know what to do! Just get the ambulance here!” The elder Senju hangs up before the operator can say anything else. He knew she was just doing her job, but he needed someone to yell at. Finding the deepest gouge on Tobirama’s neck, the three on his face seemed shallow enough, Hashirama grabs a towel and applies pressure. It was too risky to remove the bottles without a blood transfusion on standby, so this was the best he could do. Goddammit he couldn’t even do CPR because of the damage already done to Tobirama’s torso!

Everything passes in a blur. Hashirama just remembers flashes.

Paramedics taking Tobirama away from him.

Flashes of lights from the emergency vehicles.

Butsuma being shoved into a cop car.

The blaring siren as they speed to the hospital.

Tobirama being rushed into surgery.

Being stuck on the wrong side of the door.

Sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting room, Hashirama just hangs his head and cries. How could he have been so blind? Tobirama had every single textbook example of abuse and he’d fucking missed it. He’d overlooked it because there was no way Butsuma would ever do something like that. It was easier to believe his baby brother was just picking fights at schools. He was the worst brother ever, Tobirama must hate him.

“Hashirama.” The sudden voice makes Hashirama jump with a yelp, his puffy eyes landing on the dark haired man before him.

“Madara,” he mutters, relieved to see the detective.

“Is there somewhere we can talk?” The Uchiha asks and Hashirama wipes his eyes as he leads the way to one of the breakrooms.

“Madara I-”

“Did you know?” Madara demands, fixing his best friend with a glare, “I swear to god if you knew and didn’t tell me-!”

“I didn’t know!!” Hashirama sobs, sinking into one of the chairs, dropping his face to his hands. “I didn’t know Madara. How could I not know? I’m a doctor for fuck’s sake.”

“Hashirama.”

“I should have known Madara.”

“Hashi-”

“A good brother would have noticed!”

“Enough!” Madara snaps, slapping Hashirama across the face, “get ahold of yourself Senju!”

“You hit me.”

“No shit,” the detective huffs, crossing his arms over his chest, “you were being stupid.”

“You hit me!”

“Do I need to do it again?” Madara asks with a raised eyebrow, handing Hashirama a tissue.

“Thanks,” Hashirama mutters after he takes a minute to clean up his face.

“Did Tobirama ever give you any clues your father was hurting him?” 

“No,” Hashirama sighs, “Tobirama always said he had picked a fight a school. If it wasn’t a fight he’d tell me he slipped in the shower. God that’s a classic excuse Madara, why didn’t I notice?”

“Your father never touched you,” Madara tells him, “why would you ever suspect it? Butsuma kept his behavior normal around you and Tobirama lied to you.”

“But why would he do that? I would have taken him in if I’d known.”

“I’m going to say something you’re not going to like.” Madara says, bracing himself for a violent reaction. “He deserved it.”

Hashirama sees red, lunging at Madara and swinging a fist at his stupid mouth. “It’s never the victim’s fault Madara!” The Senju exclaims as Madara easily catches his fist.

Before Hashirama can try and take another shot, Madara twists his arm behind his back and shoves the Senju face down onto the table. “He thought he deserved it,” Madara corrects himself, easily keeping Hashirama pinned as the doctor struggles under him. “Tobirama may arguably be a genius, but he’s an idiot and I’m sure he still blames himself for your mother’s death.”

“That wasn’t his fault!” Hashirama shoots back, but his squirming stops dead as he realizes Madara is right. Tobirama had only been 8 when their mother had been killed and despite being busy will college, Hashirama had remembered how reserved his brother had become. In fact the so called fights he was picking were the first sign of him being a normal teenager to Hashirama. “I’m an idiot.”

“That’s nothing new.”

“Prick,” Hashirama mutters as he tries to stand up, only to have Madara hold him in place. “Are you going to let me up?”

“Just remembering the last time I had you bent over a table,” Madara chuckles, stepping back so Hashirama straighten up.

“That was a long time ago,” Hashirama laughs, though he quickly sombers. “What will happen to Butsuma?”

“He’s going to jail for a long time,” Madara says honestly, “even without knowing the extent of the abuse, this attack is enough for some serious jail time.”

“Will you talk to Tobirama?”

“Yes, when he wakes up.” Madara glances at the clock and sighs, “I need to get back to the office, I don’t want Izuna to have all the fun talking with that prick.”

“I’ll call you when he wakes up.”

Except Tobirama didn’t wake up. His injuries has been even worse than Hashirama had first thought and he’d lost so much blood. Despite everyone’s best attempts, there was swelling in his brain and his chances were slim. Hashirama refused to believe his brother would die, there was just no way. He’d been put on administrative leave, so he could work through his trauma.

Hashirama used the time to play with his daughter; he hadn’t planned to take more than a week off after she was born, but as long as they could afford it, he was going to enjoy it. Tobirama was never far from his mind, but every time Hashirama tried to sit by his bedside, he could hear his brother berating for wasting time. He finally understood what Tobirama had been saying about depression, about the dark thoughts never going away, and he felt like garbage for ever doubting his brother.

The day it happens is nothing special. Hashirama had returned to surgery barely a month after Tobirama had slipped into a coma; he needed a distraction from his own, ever increasingly morbid thoughts. He was actually on break when Kagami, Madara’s cousin-turned-little-brother, had burst into the breakroom and all but dragged him from the room. Kagami was usually so gentle that him being forceful set off alarm bells in Hashirama’s head. The surgeon knew the Uchiha was one of the nurses that routinely checked on Tobirama, so he could only pray his brother wasn’t dead.

“Tobi…” Hashirama gasps, sagging against Kagami when he sees the red eyes open for the first time in over a year, making the Uchiha stumble under his greater bulk.

“Stop trying to crush my nurse,” Tobirama mutters, his voice still rough, “and help me sit up Hashbrown.”

“So mean,” Hashirama laughs, his eyes tearing up even as he helps Tobirama sit up.

“I’ll give you guys a moment,” Kagami says with a gentle smile, slipping out of the room unnoticed.

“Tobi…”

“Just shut up and hug me.” Tobirama mutters and Hashirama grins like a loon as he hugs brother like he never wants to let him go.

“I thought I lost you,” Hashirama whimpers, burying his face in Tobirama’s white locks, “there was so much blood and y-you weren’t breathing!”

“Anija…”

“I am so sorry otouto,” Hashirama sobs, “I should have noticed. I should have been there to protect you. I should have been a better brother!”

“Anija-”

“You must hate me, I hate me most days, so I get it but I swear I will make it up to you. No one is ever going to touch you again, not if I-”

“Anija shut up!” Tobirama yells before he starts coughing, his vocal cords not used to the strain. Hashirama rubs his back and helps him drink some water. After his throat no longer feels like it’s on fire, Tobirama takes a deep breath. “I never blamed you Anija, so stop blaming yourself.”

“But-”

“No buts,” Tobirama interrupts, “I killed Mom, Butsuma had every right to hurt me.”

“You didn’t kill Mom!” Hashirama exclaims, grabbing Tobirama by the shoulders and shaking him a little, “and that fucker had no right to hurt you! Mom was attacked by a mugger, she would have died even if you weren’t there. Butsuma was our father, he should never have touched you! I would have taken you to live with me if I had known, why didn’t you tell me?”

“You loved Butsuma,” Tobirama mutters, “I didn’t want to ruin that so I just told you what I thought you wanted to hear.”

“Tobi-”

“So you are awake Jailbait!” 

“Madara!” Hashirama yelps, turning to glare at his friend, “don’t call him that!”

“Well he was jailbait for my littlest brother until last month!” Madara laughs, breaking up the tension in the room.

“Aniki!” Kagami whines as he awkwardly shuffles into the room, “you promised you wouldn’t say anything!”

“I haven’t,” Madara says with a smirk, “I could’ve mentioned how you think the scars make him look sexy or recite some of the sappy poetry you’ve written about your crush.”

“Aniki you’re the worst!” Kagami pouts, fleeing the room with a beet red face.

“My work here is done,” Madara chuckles before he looks at Tobirama, “or at least part of it. I need to ask you some questions.”

“He thinks I’m sexy?” Tobirama asks, a thoughtful look crossing his face, “Anija how soon can I get out here? I want to ask him out.”

“Tobirama,” Hashirama groans, a hand scrubbing over his eyes as if he can physically scrub away the imagine of his little brother scoping out Kagami’s ass.

“Answer all my questions and I’ll make sure Hashbrown doesn’t drag his feet.”

Tobirama looks up and meets Madara’s predatory smirk with one of his own.

“Deal, but make it quick, I have a date to plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is wondering Kagami was taken in by Tajima after he was removed from an abusive situation; needless to say, Madara doesn't take kindly to anyone who abuses children. He's going to make sure Butsuma is locked up so tightly he'll never see the light of day again. And if he pulls a few strings to keep the prison guards from stopping the other inmates from beating the shit out of Butsuma, well no one will ever tell!


End file.
